Thursday, January 1, 2015

How to Apply the Fuck Yes or No Rule to Your Awesomesauce Life


I'm a fan of Mark Manson's "Fuck Yes or No" rule. This rule states that if you don't say "Fuck Yes!" to a proposition, then it is a no. This means that if you aren't totally enthusiastic about someone or something, then don't go for it.

If you meet someone and you don't feel that "fuck yes" positivity towards being their friend/date/business partner, then don't go for it. Of course, this requires an open mind and a quiet ego and a developed intuition to really work. An open mind, quiet ego, and developed intuition are essential to a good life, regardless of whether one adopts the Fuck Yes or No rule, so definitely work on those aspects first before trying to make the rule work and having it fail because all the mental/emotional/ego clutter gets in the way.

The Fuck Yes or No rule begs for further examination and alignment. To really apply this rule to all aspects of your life, you really need to take it to the next level: expectations.

If you don't say Fuck Yes to someone/something, but your expectations and emotional reactions align more with a fuck yes, you have a problem. You can't say NO to something and still have the FUCK YES expectations. For example, if you say no to being someone's partner but you say fuck yes to being their friend, then you can't hold the expectations of a fuck yes partnership. Test this out- think of them dating someone else, does it make you angry? Think of them failing to do anything romantic, does it bother you? If so, then you are in a grey area and you need to make some inner shifts.

If you say no to being someone's partner because they don't have the whole package/special qualities/natural je ne sais quoi that would make you say fuck yes, then you have to let go of any expectations of a romantic partnership. You have to be very clear about your intentions with any social interactions with this person. If you say fuck yes to friendship, then align your expectations and responses towards friendship. Don't put yourself in a cycle of grey areas.

An example of a cycle of grey areas would be: 1. feeling fulfilled because of something romantic you two shared 2. feeling annoyed/confused/claustrophobic when someone tries to establish a committed relationship/anything close to or towards a committed relationship 3. pull back/close off/shut down 4. miss them 5. do friendship things that make you remember you really like them 6. dip your toes in the romantic waters again 7. repeat.

This happens a lot because lots of the time, people aren't clear on what they want. You can only test the waters so much before indecision leads to illusion. This is how you lead people on/get lead on, even if it isn't intentional. This is a huge time/energy waster. The only way that you can enjoy the grey areas between romance and friendship is by being black and white clear that you don't want to be purely platonic and that you don't want to be purely romantic. So it can be a fuck yes to special friends, but that's still a fuck yes and still requires alignment of expectations and intention with that fuck yes.

This works for any hobby/diet/exercise regime. It is the new year, people try to get healthier. Many people overbook themselves by saying fuck yes to one diet and one plan and holding expectations and attitudes that align with a "no." People also have conflicting fuck yes answer. Conflicting fuck yes answers can't co-exist. If you say fuck yes to a rock climbing regime that requires lots of body weight strength and is enhanced by a lighter, leaner physique but that the same time you say fuck yes to an Olympic weight training regime because you want to look like the hulk and squat 450, then you have conflicting fuck yes answers. Choose one for now, the only way you can really enjoy the expansion of a fuck yes choice is through focused commitment.

Conflicting fuck yes answers also apply to relationships as well, so be aware. If you say fuck yes to welcoming a relationship that involves superior compatibility in communication styles but you keep saying fuck yes to someone who you have to constantly explain yourself to, then you have conflicting fuck yes answers. Make a decision. Practice conviction.

Another important factor in the successful application of the Fuck Yes or No rule is the realization that life is sequential and ever changing. The tides are constantly shifting and you need to embrace that. Apply the Fuck Yes or No rule in as little bites as necessary- let it guide your decisions that influence the development of a relationship/project/goal. Maybe someone or something isn't a fuck yes now, under these circumstances, so take the fuck yes action that applies. Just don't fall under the trap of thinking that if something is a fuck yes now, it will always be a fuck yes. If something is a no now, that doesn't mean it will always be a no. The beauty lies in embracing that uncertainty while still gearing your actions/intentions towards what you know you certainly want.

For example, if someone is a fuck yes for romance for you, but they only behave in a way that says you're a fuck yes for friendship and a no for romance to them, then don't fight it. Don't try to convince them that you're a fuck yes. Just do fuck yes things with them, since you obviously share a mutual like for each other, albeit the difference in extent. Maybe its a fuck yes you want to watch a movie with them. Maybe its a fuck yes you want to share a beer. Don't shut people out of your life because you're not a fuck yes dating partner- everyone needs friends. Let the fuck yes dating feelings you have lose momentum and just enjoy your fuck-yes-enjoying-the-presence-of-someone-I-really-mesh-with feelings/actions. It may seem like a grey area, but grey areas are only grey areas if you're intentions and expectations remain unexamined.

Set the intention to make 2015 a fuck yes year. No wishy washy actions. If you want to fool around, say fuck yes to a time and a place and a way to fool around. Make sure your resources and expectations align with that decision. Practice conviction, practice honesty, practice streamlined logic, and practice intuition. Be aware, be vigilant, be thoughtful, be reflective. Feel the balance.

Follow the fuck yes.