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Showing posts from 2014

How to Deal With People Who Pretend to Be Your Friend But Want Something More

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As a very free spirited and relatively care free person, I approach all of my relationships with a certain openness and flexibility. I try not to project expectations onto family or friends or partners. I respect the fact that people have very different ways of showing their love, affection, and support. I embrace the fact that people seek out connection and expression in various ways, and I am honest enough with myself to recognize that certain people's natural affinities complement my own. Despite all of this, I still can't avoid getting hurt. One theme that has been causing me some social grief ever since middle school has been the awkward unrequited friend attraction. I make a friend. We get along super well. I make it very well known that my romantic interests lie on someone else, because that's the truth. We stay friends. Then one day, I am made known of my friend's sexual or romantic desire. I make it known that those feelings are unreciprocated as gently as poss

How to Get Over Romantic Apathy

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Romantic apathy is a dull, aching pain that weighs down your heart in spite of all of the freedom it claims to offer. You just don't care. No one gets to you. No one makes you feel anything. Interactions are empty. Pleasure can't be sustained in this state, so it is chased after within the confines of quick fixes and half hearted attempts to make a connection. It is never enough. Maybe you got burnt. Maybe your heart got broken. Maybe you saw things that made you never want to be vulnerable. Maybe you've never truly let someone in, or maybe the person who you considered home made some very hurtful decisions that left you feeling betrayed and angry and hopeless. Maybe you were counting on someone and all the weight of your blind faith toppled them off of their pedestal. And now you feel very alone. You feel alone despite all of your efforts. Maybe you're a machine now, performing once meaningful acts in the most mechanical of ways. That gesture that once held so much ten

How to Stop Being Possessive and Trying to Control Your Partner

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The desire to control your partner presents an incredible strain on your relationship and on your self. This desire to manipulate your partner into fulfilling expectations you hold as to what their behavior should  be like is an ugly fire that will burn both of you out. The only solution is to let go of this desire for control, and the fastest way to let go of this desire is to understand why you hold it in the first place. Why The Need for Control? Maybe you are jealous. Maybe you are possessive. Maybe you are very insecure. The desire to control your partner and limit their behavior in a way that you find acceptable shows that you do not have enough confidence and faith in yourself, your partner, and the relationship. The desire to control your partner shows that you want to change them. The desire to change your partner never leads to anything good- it is a very destructive goal. Successful relationships occur between two people who love each other for who they are, not who they cou

Thoughts on Intimacy

The success of a relationship should not be based on how long it lasts- rather, the success of a relationship should be measured by the value it adds to one's life. A long and empty relationship and a meaningful, transformative, and fleeting connection are extremely different in the value they offer. Sometimes, you meet someone and it feels as if your world has changed. Knowing them has introduced a rupture into your normalcy. Maybe this is a quiet rupture- maybe it is small enough that the emotions, desire, and passions gently trickle through. Maybe this is a huge, gaping fracture- maybe it is large enough that the feelings, wants, and energy violently unleash themselves, leaving you to feel lost and purposeful at the same time. Some loves change you. These people transform you and you can never be the same. They touch you in ways that rearrange your insides- suddenly your eyes see a certain shade more vividly, your fingers relish a new texture. your mind wraps around a concept yo

The Perks of a Long Distance Relationship: How to Survive Long Distance

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The long distance relationship is an often dreaded experience. It is to be merely tolerated, a stage to be worked through. I think the long distance relationship is an experience to be embraced. Few situations offer the clarity, growth, and freshness of long distance. When we are geographically closer to our partners, our lives tend to be more fused. We see them from a much closer point of view. To step back and see the big picture is a blessing, as is the chance to develop the flexibility and strength of the bridge that connects us to them. It may be hard at first to see the perks to a long distance relationship, but if you truly embrace them in honesty then you will grow to appreciate its acquired taste. More Independence When your partner isn't there all the time, you are forced to become more independent and self sufficient. You don't have the convenience of having your partner there to accompany you and comfort you all of the time. You learn to do things for yourself more

How to Deal With and Release Emotions and Feelings

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Emotions are incredibly vital to our experience. Without them, life would just feel empty. Emotions color our worlds; they are the spices of our lives. Emotions are also feared and misunderstood by many people. They can be a scary or dreaded topic. Emotions have unfortunately been associated with frivolity and weakness, leading many to believe that emotions can simply be tossed away and ignored. Emotions have also been discredited by some. Some people believe emotions are meaningless and are merely a chemical reaction occurring in our bodies- an influx of neurotransmitters interpreted by our brains to produce a certain fleeting feeling. We are emotional, mental, physical, and if you believe so, spiritual beings. These aspects of ourselves are not separate- any imbalances in one sphere inevitably affect the others. If we neglect our emotional bodies, those repressed and unprocessed emotions will cause our mental and physical bodies to also feel neglected. For example, if we happen to re

Apologies and Art

Hello everyone, I'm sorry that I have not responded to your comments, questions, and emails lately. I have been going through a transition phase in life and have found myself resonating strongly with art again. I will get back to you all in time, please be patient. For now I am really just giving myself into this new wave and thoroughly enjoying it. I shall write soon. Please take the time to explore my art and maybe even support me on my journey by purchasing a piece for your enjoyment. I also take custom orders, so please email me at beingridiculouslygoodatlife@gmail.com to discuss any commissioned works. Here is a link to me Etsy shop: https://www.etsy.com/shop/ElusiveDietPineapple Enjoy and please share! Have a wonderful day, Wynona

How to Find Someone to Talk To

Hello everyone. I want to share something very important to me. As you can tell from my blog, I really care about personal issues and hardships and getting through our emotions to find a place of inner peace. I am currently in the progress if fulfilling an internship with a non-profit called 7 Cups of Tea, a site where you can anonymously chat with trained active listeners who will listen to you non-judgmentally and help you work through your feelings. It is all FREE and your conversations will not be recorded. Please check it out and use my referral link (referrals are needed for my internship.) http://www.7cupsoftea.com/1468611 I might even chat with you there! Sincerely, Wynona

Why Disney Princess Movies Are More Harmful Than 50 Shades of Grey

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  E.L James' 50 Shades trilogy is as hated as it is successful. 50 Shades of Grey has been labeled as an icon of the downfall of society. This “worthless sack of bull” is apparently being pushed onto the mainstream, corrupting the minds of women and perpetuating the glorification of inequality and abuse. This fantasy is supposedly harmful and must be boycotted and banned. Yet society still welcomes with open arms the likes of The Little Mermaid and Beauty and the Beast into their homes. Society has no gripes with dressing their little girls up as Cinderella or Snow White. We call our daughters “princess.” The hypocrisy, though subtle at first, raises a plethora of concerns. In The Little Mermaid, Ariel gives away her voice to be with a man she has met only once. She gives away something that empowers her with the ability to assert her own choices, opinions, and desires. Cinderella proves her good character by being an all too eager doormat.  Snow White is hunted because of her bea

The Real Reason You Are In the Friend Zone

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As someone who believes that friendships between people of the preferred sex are possible and have the potential of being functional and authentic, I still recognize the validity of the term 'friend zone.' I understand that the term refers to a wide range of scenarios- some involving a glimmer of hope of romance and some boasting a pure case of unrequited attraction. Confusion is frustrating. Clarity makes things a lot easier to process, but often times, clarity requires a confession. Not a lot of people are willing to confess their feelings; its a threat to the friendship. Maybe admitting these longing feelings will open up a world of suppressed romance between the two of you, or maybe it will make the friendship a bit too awkward to sustain. So if you are confused,  please refer to this explanation of the most common reason you're in the friend zone. And maybe, just maybe, you will find an escape route from the slew of strong and frustrating feelings you are all too famil

How to Bring Back Passion and Keep the Spark Alive in Your Relationship

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For most relationships, love is at first a force of nature, a flood of heavenly emotions turning current life on its head and transforming it into heaven. You feel so good, your partner is perfect and perfect for you, and you've got the entire world in your heart. And then months pass, maybe a few years pass, and then you doubt whether or not you and your partner are actually meant to be. Are they the same person you fell in love with, was it all just a lie, does love not really exist, was is just stupid passion? I have a very important message: love does not die unless you allow it to. Why was the beginning so good? Why was there such an abundance of amazing feelings and captivation passion? Why was there so much excitement? When you first "fall in love with someone", you prime yourself to really really emphasize their positive traits. You focus so lovingly and enthusiastically on their positive traits. You milk every single joy you experience together- you search and re

How to Make the Right Choices and Big Life Decisions: Are You Living with Intention?

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Many of us wonder if we are making the right choices in life. We torture ourselves over the possibilities, wondering if one decision will unleash a cascade of unwanted circumstances and wondering if another decision will allow us to experience heaven on earth and unlock the happiest of our dreams. The flaw in this kind of thinking is that in wondering if we are making the right choices in life, we fail to remember what drives us to make those choices. Should we stay or should we go? Should we give this person a second chance or forget them completely? Should we leave our lives as we know it and embark on a fresh start? In wondering about the validity of our choices, we approach our lives indirectly. We become a slave to our pre-conceptualized understandings of possibility. We become a slave to the set of feelings that we believe our set of choices will create. Instead of feeling first, we choose first. We don't choose how we feel, we just choose actions. Our feelings merely become

No One Can Steal Your Energy and Energy Vampires Don't Exist

I take public transportation quite frequently, and one thing that I have noticed is that people love to stare. I can honestly say that I am the recipient of unwanted attention in the form of long-held staring. Fortunately, this staring never transpires into anything more, but the act still annoys me. The issue I have with staring is that it often comes with unnecessary projections and emotions- that's why you can feel when someone glares at you angrily or watches you with pleading eyes. Staring, like all other actions, involves its own dance of energy, and a quite unequal dance at that. Although we can't control who decides to stare at us, we can control the way we respond to these unwanted energies. One of the most un-grounding decisions we can make as human beings is to accuse others of being energy vampires. To believe that others are capable of stealing our energy is to give up our own personal power and blame the world for the way we feel inside and the way we tell the wor

Sorry I've Been Gone...and How to Find and Maintain Great Friendships

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Hey everyone! Sorry I haven't been able to respond to comments for a while; I have been really busy with school and life in general, and up until now, I had not been struck by the inspiration to write a new article. I will get back to your comments as soon as possible, please be patient with me, and I hope that you leave my site feeling a little better. How to Find and Maintain Great Friendships No matter whether you consider yourself an introvert or an extrovert, misunderstood or easy to get along with, everyone needs human connection and interaction. Our happiness is deeply linked to our connections with other human beings. Although some spiritual teachers will propagate ideas that may lead you to believe that you don't need others to be happy because they are external and that true happiness depends only on what is found within, I must sincerely and clearly tell you that I really do think that humans are social creatures who thrive when committed to intimate relationships. F

How to Find Balance and Sustain It

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Balance is the key to a happy life. When we allow ourselves to stay grounded, we allow ourselves to grow deeper and taller. A determinant factor in our happiness is the balance of our energy. Our energy includes the way we think, act, speak, and how much time and attention we allot to various areas of our life. Balanced energy is never stagnant energy- there is always an input and output, there is always an inward flow and an outward flow. When we become too focused in the inward flow, we become hoarders. We become scared that we will lose and we believe there is not enough abundance to go around, so we try to take and take and keep it all without giving any away. We can not exhale and there is no release, just build up. When we become too focused on the outward flow, we lose our grounding. We do not allow ourselves to receive and only push ourselves to give, so we lose our power and allow our energy to dissipate without proper renewal and nourishment. We can not inhale and there is no

How to Tell If Your Partner is the One/ Soulmate

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A majority of people in various stages of relationships often wonder whether or not their partner is "The One." Lots of us expect ourselves to one day find someone who will make our dreams come true and fill a space in our hearts that catapults us into eternal happiness. It definitely is not wrong to want this, but the path to fulfilling this desire gets awfully messy. Thanks to our strong tendency to neglect ourselves from giving ourselves the love, attention, honestly, and acceptance we need to consciously make our own dreams come true and feel the wholeness of our own heart and enjoy the choice of happiness right now, we give that power away and conveniently project it onto "The One." Yet, no one is ever "done" giving themselves love and attention. No one is ever "done" opening their heart and choosing happiness in the present moment. We all must continue to practice this way of being. The more we live in a state of connection to ourselves, th