Saturday, July 6, 2013

Why It's Okay to Be "Needy" In A Relationship


People are afraid of being needy in relationships. We're afraid of admitting our true feelings and concerns to our partner because we're scared of losing them and pushing them away. We think we're better than our feelings of jealousy and unfairness and impatience. We judge ourselves, but instead of processing through our feelings, we bury them deep down inside. We don't want to come off as needy, so we don't communicate our thoughts and feelings.

It Is OK To Feel Needy
People forget that no relationship is perfect. A relationship is meant to help two people grow together and relate to each other. Wouldn't you be cheating one of the purposes of a relationship by not letting that growth and relation manifest?

A true relationship involves communication between partners because your partner is a mirror for you and you are a mirror for your partner. By communicating what you truly feel and think, you give yourself and your partner a chance to respond and bring up buried issues that have been long repressed.
I'm not saying that what you say has to be enforced in your relationship, but you and your partner should take the time to process and explore the thoughts you want to bring up. Your thoughts will trigger theirs, and you both will have the chance to more easily bring up issues and beliefs that you both haven't explored or fully accepted. You get to explore yourself in relation to the other. You both get to learn more about yourselves, why you act the way you do, why you hold certain beliefs, and you get to hold all of that thought and re-evaluate it in the moment. You get the chance to shed what no longer resonates with you and you get the chance to focus on new aspects or concepts.

The jealousy you feel may stem from you needing to be reassured- by your partner and by yourself. If you feel the lack of trust or anything stemming from the lack of trust- there is doubt in your relationship. There is nothing wrong with feeling doubt or mistrust, but know it is there for you to explore and let go of once the time is right.
And the time could be right now if you let the right conditions come forth. If you let yourself communicate with your partner in a loving environment, you can much tons of progress in self understanding and self healing.

So the next time you bite your tongue because you feel "needy", lovingly tell your partner that you'd like to discuss it and tell them beforehand that you are not trying to blame them, even if in discussing manners your tone might sound accusatory.

Maybe you will find out that what you consider needy is just a standard set by society, and that both of you do feel compelled to move in the direction that fulfills that level of intimacy. Maybe you will find out that you have trust issues. Maybe you will find out that you are expecting your partner to fill your life for you because you have been neglecting yours. The possibilities remain unrealized unless they are explored.

All the love and peace, :)
Wynona