Thursday, March 28, 2013

Nice Guys Finish Last? Not. At. All.

"Nice guys finish last."

"Women only date jerks."
"I've been friendzoned AGAIN."

These are a few of the misconceptions a great deal of the male population buy into. Our culture and their lack of insight have lead them to believe that women only date jerks and that women reject them because they are "too nice." In reality, the little boys who believe in this reasoning are self-delusional- they feel entitled to sex, believe that offering dinner and a movie will grant them romantic appreciation, and totally fail to consider the possibility that they have not developed themselves enough to engage in the activities that could lead to the spread of their DNA and the responsibility of dealing with another human being's genuine emotions.

 Maybe this is a good thing, maybe the males who truly believe in this reasoning should continue to believe so that their inferior intelligence and emotional baseness do not propagate themselves onto future generations. Maybe this is natural selection, and the misconception is so easily accepted that the quantity of idiots dies to extinction. Still, we can not simply wait until their genes fail to manifest their presence in our society. The promotion of this misconception must die.

You Are NOT Too Nice

Nice people are really the best, that is, when they are genuinely nice. Nice does not mean doormat, it does not mean spineless, it does not mean submissive. Genuinely nice people act with warm consideration for others because they actually care about the well-being of others and they put in an effort to behave in an appropriately accommodating manner. 

Being nice is not about telling a girl she's beautiful just because you know it will please her. It is not about buying a girl dinner and taking her out to see a movie. That might be called generosity if the intentions involve the desire to make her feel comfortable and happy. Being nice is not about expecting a women to express affection and attraction towards you simply because you provided her with material goods- that is called being manipulative and stupid for attempting to reduce another human being into a commodity good you can simply buy.

Being nice is about listening to a girl's problems. If you believe that allowing a girl to cry on your shoulder and tell you about the issues she is dealing with is a ticket into her pants, you aren't actually nice. You are simply behaving in a way you believe will grant you sexual reward for your time and attention. Nice guys care about other people, and they do not expect anything in return for being a decent friend. 

If you like a girl but hate hearing about her problems, maybe you should refresh yourself on the general meaning of friendships. If allowing another human being to express their true feelings to you is simply something you can tolerate, you are saving so many people's time by not being their romantic partner.

Women Only Date Jerks

Some girls like jerks, some girls were raised very badly and have been conditioned to believe that love hurts and that they deserve to be treated badly. 

On the rare occasion that you actually do frequently find yourself attracted to these type of girls, maybe you should show them some genuine compassion and treat them better for the sake of showing them they can be treated better. Maybe you should respect the fact that they have issues they need to resolve and that your sexual and romantic neediness will only complicate their lives further and burden them. 

But the self victimizing male probably just projects this axiom onto women who don't actually like jerks. Women don't really like jerks- they like guys with confidence, strength, intelligence, kindness, and self respect. 

Are you a weakling? A coward? Fighting issues of self loathing? 

Maybe you should deal with your issues first before attempting to engage in an intimate relationship which involves interacting with another human being's depths. Until then, stop projecting.

Women Only Want Rich Guys

All women are not gold diggers. If you don't know how to spot a gold digger, you should probably work on some social and observational skills before dating.

Women like hardworking men- if he isn't rich, that's okay, but women don't want to be with a guy who doesn't strive. Women don't want a man who is perfectly alright with working a job that doesn't even come close to helping him reach his potential. Women don't want a man who doesn't try to improve his life. If you're passionate and happy with your job- that's attractive. If you don't care at all- that is very unattractive. Women want men with drive- and drive shows up in every aspect of life- including his financial life.

Women Are Conceited

Yeah, some women are self absorbed and conceited, but so are some guys. 

If you think a woman is not dating you because she thinks she's too good for you, ask yourself if you possess the general qualities she is looking for in a man. You simply can not force someone to be attracted to you or to want to be in a relationship with you. Tough shit. Get over it.

If she's a young doctor with 5% body fat and a weekly volunteer at the animal shelter, and you are a middle aged slob who hits on girls at the gym and subscribe to Playboy, she probably really isn't into you at all, unless you have the kindness of Jesus and the mojo of Fabio. Its quite a stretch.

Don't Be A Sucker
Women and men walk over people who lack character and vitality. 

If you're boring and lukewarm- no one will want to be with you. 

Be someone who can offer value and richness and depth through your social interactions. 

Develop yourself- commit to hobbies, learn about the world, challenge your beliefs, work towards a goal, make your life worthwhile. 

No one wants to date an empty stale cardboard box. You can give a woman all the attention and affection she wants, but if you're not you're own person, then you are giving as a form of codependency. You latch onto that woman because her presence in her life is the only thing that gives your life any color and meaning. Then you're just desperate. No one wants to date desperate. 

Stop Fooling Yourself

Women don't owe you sex. There is nothing wrong with sharing a beautiful, platonic friendship with a woman. You can't force people to love you. 

Most importantly, frequent self evaluation and self improvement are the only ways to develop yourself. Stop operating from infantile selfishness and self denial. Start taking care of yourself and allowing more love into your life and heart- NOT lust, but actual, genuine love.

Monday, March 18, 2013

Check Out My Poetry!

Hello everyone,

You can check out my poetry on my new blog:

Thanks so much for reading.

All the best,

Wynona Baltazar

How to Get Over Your Partner's Past

When we enter relationships, we interact with a new person of facets and dimensions previously unbeknownst to us. We are never the same person with different people, and our experiences and connections are totally unique to the bond we share with this new person.

What could potentially be a new, fresh experience rife with potential and possibilities is often drastically limited with the emotional baggage, expectations, and preconceived notions both partners project onto each other. Instead of being with a person and sharing time and moments with each other, we label, analyze, and identify this new person through what we think we understand about their behavior, preferences, and personality.

We seek to "understand" and "peg down" our partner because we seek some form of control over this person who we have allowed under our skin. We are opening ourselves up to another and we are vulnerable- but instead of embracing this vulnerability, we become afraid of it and so we constantly project our own insecurities and fears onto our partner in an attempt to save ourselves from truly being with the person in totality. Because in totality, the partner possesses the full ability to hurt us. In totality, we are open and vulnerable, and we do not trust the partner to respect that vulnerable state. We are afraid that we will be attacked in our openness and vulnerability, so we resort to fear-based mechanisms in order to preserve ourselves.

Fear of Comparison
Partners are always attempting to control how the other perceives them. We want our partner to see all the good in us, and we do not trust that they will continue to give us love and affection once they learn about and experience the facets which we do not like.

This fear spreads easily and taints our interactions and intentions regarding our relationship. We become afraid of being compared to their previous partners because in those potential comparisons, the partner might find that we do not measure up to their previous lovers. We are afraid of being viewed as inadequate and we become jealous and anxious.

We fear that our partner is thinking about their past partners, that they are missing them and wanting to be with them rather than be with us. We feel envious because we want our partner's admiration and attention to be directed only towards us. This is the point where a great distinction needs to be made and self reflection is direly important.

Do you believe that your partner can only feel admiration towards you? Do you believe that you are the only person your partner will ever revere and appreciate, that you are the only person whose beauty your partner will recognize? Do you believe that you should be the center of your partner's universe?

If you hold such beliefs, you will always be disappointed and you will continue to create problems for yourself. Do you not admire others and see the good in others? How can you expect your partner to become blind to the wonderful aspects of others? 

If you hold these beliefs, you must ask yourself why you have developed them. Did you feel a lack of love and appreciation in your childhood? Do you associate infidelity, distrust, and other dishonest behaviors and activities with your partner's interactions with others? If so, you must learn first to create happiness and an authentic foundation of wholeness by yourself, or else you will always depend on another to fulfill needs only you can fulfill.

Are you condemning your partner's past and disapproving their moral conduct?
If you are with your partner, you must accept their past and accept them in totality. You can not choose which aspects of your partner you want to keep. 

If you do not approve of the way they conduct themselves, if you do not like the way they behave in the present, ask yourself why you are still with them.

But if you hold the actions of their past against your partner, you are only holding onto the past. Are they behaving in ways that are actually hurting you in the present? Or are you merely projecting the past onto the present and tainting the possibilities of joy and connection you two could share if you would only drop your anxieties and expectations?

If you expect your partner to act a certain way, they either may or may not, but projecting those expectations onto your partner, especially expectations based on your perception of their past experiences, will only lead you to disappointment and misery. Stop paying attention to your partner's past which you do not understand, and pay attention to your partner in the moment and in the present. 

Be with your partner in the present in full. Be present with your partner.
If you fulfill your capacity to be with your partner in the moment, you will have no room to feel the insecurities and jealousies involving your partner's past. Be with your partner fully in the moment, start your interactions with innocence and freshness. Realize that to interact and connect with another soul is a beautiful process, and allow yourself to gain joy and be changed with each dynamic experience you two share. There will never be another moment like the moment you two can fill, so fill it to the brim. In order for anything to be filled with anything worthwhile, you must empty out anything stagnant,old, and destructive.

Be with your partner in the moment and let go of their past or expectations of the future, and you will find that the flow of connection you two share makes the past trivial. Happiness can only be found in the present, and partners may only share it in the present. Let go.